So i was hoping the next version of this was going to be a good one, but aparently not. stuck in the friendzone. everything was going great, spending time with him was great, i wasn't used to it. And just when you think things are going to start moving further in the right direction, BAM.
I honestly just wish i was able to switch my feelings off. It's so annoying, and until it's gone, you don't know what was really there. What went wrong? What did i do wrong? When did he lose interest. Then you have to deal with the fact that from that moment, there is nothing you can do about it.
The more you try & forget it, the more the feelings come flooding back and you wish you would have made it more obvious the way you felt. In a way, i knew it was going that way. I pick up on things easily & i knew he had changed, in a sense, i could see him pushing me into that friendzone. He became more distant, and became more of a joker, taking the mick a bit too much, like friends do.
In a way, i should have pushed that friend barrier back, played it cool, but doing a louisa, louisa doesn't play cool. I do for a while anyway, but then i become to obvious, give away my game. I know i will get over it, i always do, but for one second i thought i could see myself finally getting in a relationship.
I get attatched too easily & i am going to try my absolute hardest to not let any guy in now. Looking back on the past week and a half, i now see that all i was thinking was true, and it probably never would have worked anyway, and that's what i need to get into my head. I think i'm trying to convince myself that it could have been more, but in reality, we both knew. I wasn't sure, and he now knows he only saw me as a friend.
Maybe i'm just not ready for commitment, deep down, i knew this. I can't go blaming him, which is what i am trying to do. & in the past that's what i have done, i've clinged on to everything, blamed them, and tried to make them feel bad. I am never sure, until the moment they say they aren't interested, or they just want to be friends, that's when i think i get attatched. Funny how the mind works like that isn't it.
I need to do the adult thing, and walk away. But what do i do? He was a good friend, and i enjoyed my time with him, but if i see him with anyone else, i will get jealous, i know 100% for a fact i will. Wether i want him just as a friend, i know in my head, i will get jealous, so do i remove him from my life? It's extreme, but you have to be selfish don't you? In the past i've kept them in my life in the hope that something would form, but we both know it's not, so why bother.
It's annoying that all i have written, is the exact same how i've felt after every guy, yet here i am again! There will be the right guy for me, and when there is, i'm sure i will know it. He was the only reason i was wanting to stay over here for the summer, but with that now gone, what is stopping me going to move abroad for the summer? Other than blogging of course, but i'm sure you would forgive me for a couple of months, what to do?
Do any of you other girlys feel this way? Or is it just me that has this problem? I'm hoping it's a girl thing haha! Let me know! Love Louisa x